Money

I’m 22 years old and I’m a workaholic.

I am interning at a creative marketing agency, freelance writing, editing our school magazine, and serving full-time. And if I’m not doing any of those things, I’m babysitting or writing this blog.

This is not to “brag” about myself. If anything, this was engraved into me as a child.

My parents are two entrepreneurs. For as long as I can remember, our dinner table conversations consisted of new business ideas and spitting REAL numbers about how much things cost.

One of my friend’s favorite childhood stories to tell is the time my dad drove her and me to a birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory when we were 15. As we were pulling into the restaurant’s parking lot, I asked my dad if I could have some money for dinner. He proceeded to question why I would go to dinner with no money and expect him to give me money. I balled my eyes out the entire rest of the drive. My friend cracked up from the backseat and paid for my dinner that night on her dad's card.

My parents matched the amount of money I had to buy a car when I was 16. I had enough to buy a 2003 Green Ford Escape with a nice cigarette-scented cloth interior. She’s still running! I’ve paid my phone bill since I was 13 years old.

While I’ve always complained about handing over money each month, it has helped me in more ways than one. Now I’ve realized my parents aren’t mean or strict, they’re smart. I now know how to save, budget, and most importantly — hustle.

However, recently I’ve realized that with hard work comes comparison. And with comparison comes resentment, even if we don’t know it.

For the first time in my life, everyone I know is beginning to be in charge of their own finances. We are approaching the end of college, where the “what are you going to do?” question gets real, and getting off your dad’s insurance gets more real.

I have become a bit more aware of the things my friends buy (and who’s really buying it — them, or their parents). Have you ever considered why your friend is always so willing to buy the Uber?

I have discovered some resentment inside myself from a money standpoint. A piece of me resents people who don’t have to hustle! As I am cleaning off dirty plates at the restaurant I work at, I think about how appalled some of my friends would be to see me doing this. A piece of me is jealous. Another piece of me is prideful thinking they aren’t going to know what to do when they get to the real world.

I am not proud of this. I have been wrestling with this for a while, thinking about how I can make this resentment go away. The truth is, I don’t think it ever will.

There is another server I work with who is older than me. He’s a husband, a dad, and a bomb ass server. I can’t lie, he and I get competitive sometimes over who can turn their tables faster, finish their side work quicker, and essentially who can make more money.

With resentment comes comparison.

I came into work one day and said, “I need to work, I’m broke!” after spending a bunch of money that weekend. He proceeded to tell me, “You’re not broke. You’re rich. You’re family’s rich, your boyfriends rich…” and I was taken back. For one, he knew nothing of my finances… much less my family's.

Secondly, the only time he had ever seen them was when they visited me inside the restaurant. I realized that he was paying attention. He knew what car my dad drove into the parking lot, what cups I would bring to work, etc.

When you compare, oftentimes you assume.

He saw me as coming from a nice family and assumed I was “privileged,” yet he knew nothing of what my personal bank account looked like and all I had to pay for. At the end of the day, he and I are working the same exact job, doing the same thing every single day. You think I am doing this for fun?

Assuming can be a deep, dark hole. You can make up an entire narrative for someone that isn’t true. It fuels the fire of your resentment.

My resentment has made me angry when I’m tired after a work day and don’t have the energy to go out like my other friends.

My resentment has made me embarrassed to drive people in my car because it’s not as nice as theirs.

My resentment has made me sing Doja Cat’s lyric from Ain’t Shit, “GO GET A F****** JOB!” a little too passionately in my car… many times.

To get rid of this… I have decided to stop assuming. Just because people have a nice ___ does not mean they have more money than you. Just because people don’t work 6 days a week does not mean they don’t have a strong work ethic. Just because people still use their parent’s credit cards does not mean they don’t know about finances.

And the truth of it all is... it’s none of my business.

I can only control my own balance in my account… and my life. When these feelings of resentment arise, I need to address where they are coming from.

Maybe I resent people with nicer things than me because my material things aren’t working. Do I need to take care of them better? Do I need to save up to buy something better? Maybe they saved up for that purchase.

Maybe I resent people with more free time than me because I have too much on my plate. What do I need to let go of? Identify what is your best “yes.” Meaning, what is the best thing for me to say “yes” to?

With these thoughts, I treated myself to a dress I’ve been wanting for a while this week and decided to take some things out of my schedule. Sometimes “no” is the best thing you can do for yourself.

I challenge you to identify some of the resentment in your life this week and dig out what it stems from. Together, we can say “no” to resentment.