Small Rye, Big World: Dating Across the Atlantic

If my boyfriend came to me and said he decided to move to Europe for three months, I am not quite sure how I would’ve taken it. 

I’d like to say I would encourage such an adventure, but I know the insecure parts of myself would feel like he is leaving me behind. Selfishly, I would want to experience these fairytale places alongside him. Dauntingly, I would hate being separated for that long. 

So it is an ode to Anthony’s character in how he reacted to me posing that exact statement. He never said one negative thing. In fact, he was genuinely excited for me.  

It is important to note that Anthony and I have been best friends since we were 12 years old. He was there for the 14-year-old Riley stage of watching Jay Alverez and Indy Blue travel videos on repeat. He would listen to me obsess over creating that life for myself. His response to every text read, “Let’s do it.” 

Anthony has always been the Carl Fredrickson to my Ellie Fredrickson from UP. I  enthusiastically dream outrageous dreams for us, and he quietly abides. 

My red composition journal I kept in middle school holds an exhaustive list titled “Places I Want to Go to With Anthony Before I Die” that highlights everywhere from Dubai to Panda Express. It served as our adventure book.  

Needless to say, he knew this was a dream of mine. So, whether he was just sick of hearing me talking about it, he wanted me to move to Europe, or a little bit of both, I am not sure. Regardless, he never discouraged the idea. He never guilt-tripped me into wanting to stay. He never complained about the 6-hour time difference. He never questioned my love for him in leaving. He just supported me. 

So, in my final days before leaving him for Europe when the levity of being apart hit me and tears would fall, the only thing he would say is how he knew it would be okay. That, and that I can’t complain about something I signed up for, which is the hard truth I needed. 

Anthony had it harder than me in our long-distance relationship. While I was excitingly living my dream, he was at home doing the same things we usually do together, alone. With that comes the worries about my safety and rumors of stereotypical Italian men that would get in anyone’s head. Not to mention, many nights I would fall asleep while he was still at work. His text goodnight would come at 6:00 pm his time. Despite the circumstances, he never showed a glimmer of jealousy (other than shutting down my plan to try to see the Northern Lights, he claimed he’d kill me if I saw it without him). 

I tried to remind Anthony that this was a pivotal time of growth for him as well. One week before I left, he moved out into his first apartment with a friend. Aside from the pressures of paying bills that make anyone grow up, he now got to live with his friend, which is a stage of life everyone dreams of and talks about until they die. My 6:00 pm text goodnight left hours of uninterrupted time for him and his friends to play X Box or go drift their cars in open parking lots (and whatever it is boys do for fun). We found the positives and opportunity for growth in the situation. In my opinion, friends are such an important part of life and I am so glad he got to spend all his days with them for the past three months. 

Relationships work best when the two independently support each other, not relying on each other for happiness. In being here, I have seen Anthony and I grow in supporting each other. We truly are each other’s biggest fans. We find optimism in every situation, whether it be living on the other side of the Atlantic or heavier workloads. 

Long-distance is hard on any relationship. It highlights character brutally. In taking away ease and physical contact as a whole, all you are left with is how much you care. Effort and communication are essential. Sacrifices have to be made on both ends. 

This means staying up until 3:00 am FaceTiming because it is only 9:00 pm his time. It means being understanding of each other’s busy schedules when you don’t get the chance to talk. It means keeping each other informed with plans. Making an effort to involve them in your day to day life. Being cautious of the situations you get yourself in. 

Venmoing for Starbucks. Reposting an Instagram story. Finding Italian florists and getting flowers delivered. 

Buying a plane ticket to Florence. Wiping your bank account clean to stuff yourself with Italian pizza. Taking off work for two weeks. Kissing under the Eiffel Tower. Tying millions of balloons to your house to get Ellie to Paradise Falls. 

Only the essentials to make long-distance work. 

All jokes aside, getting to spend two weeks in Europe with Anthony checked every box off our list in the red composition notebook from 8th grade. We were beyond lucky to get to do that together so young. We pinched ourselves daily. We couldn’t have dreamed of something that big. 

He got to see the places I had been telling him about for months. The cities I have fallen in love with took a whole new feel getting to experience them with the person I love. Our happiness levels peaked. 

Even more than that, though, having him here validated how serious we take the relationship. It is a huge sacrifice to leave home for that long. Not leaving each other’s side for two weeks is rare. Sharing a twin bed on the floor with one measly blanket would test any relationship, but I still wanted to snuggle him at the end of every day. 

In our three months apart, I have learned more about Anthony than I would have ever imagined. He is patient. He is selfless. He is loyal. He is encouraging. He is optimistic. He is intentional. He is my best friend. He is my biggest supporter. He feels like home even thousands of miles apart. 

This is not to say we have perfected long-distance relationships, but more to say good can come from it. You will learn your partner’s character through effort, communication, care, and intentions. Your time together will be much more cherished and appreciated. Your conversations are treasured. Together, you each will grow to be more independent and support each other along the way. 

My greatest fear in coming here turned into one of the ways I grew the most. So here’s to Anthony, his amazing text response time, and ability to make me smile just by sending me a photo of the sunset in Kentucky. I couldn’t have done it without him. See you soon!