Growing Pains
I am in a weird stage of life where half of my friends are getting married and want babies and the other half still get an allowance and stay out til 3:00 AM.
In full transparency, I don’t really fall into either section. At the ripe age of 23, I have a remote full-time job that I love and I live at home which I… also love? 16 year old me would have choked.
I have always been very career-driven, but the younger version of myself was convinced that career was going to be a Victoria Secret Angel or Editor at Vogue. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
The Victoria Secret Angel dream died at the Victoria Secret fashion show my sophomore year in high school (way too late in life) when my mom broke the news to me that there was zero chance I would ever becoming an angel at 5’3” and I would never grow any taller. I proceeded to cry for two hours afterwards.
The Vogue Editor dream (partially) died my senior year of college when I had the privilege of speaking on the phone with Laura Regensdorf, the Beauty Editor of Vanity Fair and previous editor at Vogue and Elle.
Let me preface this in telling you something you should know about me. I am an Internet troll (for career advancement purposes) with zero fear of putting myself out there. I treat the entire Internet like it is LinkedIn. My Instagram DMs are a mildly embarrassing place, where I have DM’d everyone from Addie Hearn (Social Media Manager at Free People), Lindsay Carter (owner of Set Active), and Jenna Barnett (Social Media Coordinator at JuneShine and formerly Poppi) trying to gain advice and network. This is essentially how I got my job at Mom Water.
This is how I got on the phone with the Beauty Editor of Vanity Fair, Laura Regensdorf.
Admidst a lovely conversation full of advice, she told me that I could do it. I could work for Vogue if I really tried. However, if I ever wanted to have a “normal” life or family, she would advise against. At the end of the day, Vogue isn’t Vogue anymore when it becomes your job.
Prior to landing the job at Mom Water, I would stay up ‘til the wee hours of the night perfecting my resume, applying to jobs, and stalking LinkedIn to find the girl with the cool job I should DM next. Once I got my job offer, I was beyond excited and created a running note of ideas I had for the brand for two months prior to me starting.
Once I started, I quickly noticed I wasn’t fully satisfied and happy by telling people I had landed my dream position or by getting to do the daily tasks I had dreamed of. I found myself accepting my once-dreams as normal life now, and constantly yearning for more. I would think, ‘How can I gain more followers on this account?’ or ‘How can I make Mom Water a household necessity?’ - never content with the present.
Jay Shetty, former monk, professional author, and podcaster quotes, “Our search is never for a thing, but for the feeling we think the thing will give us.” I was so fixated on the idea that having my “cool-girl dream job” would fulfill me, yet the feeling is always something you will chase.
As I am stuck in the growing pains of this weird season of life, I have spent a lot of time by myself lately. I have approached this year with a sponge-like mentality, trying to learn as much as I can, because I realized I don’t have it all figured out. I had always thought “just when I…” graduate college and finally have some money I will be happy. Then I thought, “just when I…” save enough money to move out I will be happy.
Living a life of “just when I” leaves you never fulfilled in the now.
I have been trying to find the trick to fulfillment this year. I have listened to countless podcasts from business professionals, yogis, and psycologists alike. I have turned to books like “Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty and “The Creative Act: A Way of Being” by Rick Reubin. I have had countless conversations with those wiser than myself, just to find one common theme.
Fulfillment is only found in the intentional service of others.
Jay Shetty says it like this, “Success comes from gaining, happiness comes from giving.”
Think about the highest form of happiness you have ever felt. Most often, people think of when they’re in love. That happiness is in service. Relationships are you sacrificing for your love. As those in long-withstanding relationships always say, “Relationships are work.”
Whether you are religious or not, it is safe to say that Jesus and the ones around him live a happy, fulfilled life. It is no surprise to me, because Jesus’ model is service. He tells his followers to sacrifice their ego and live a life of humility, love, and service. He says, “I have come so that you may have life and have it to the full.”
I have unfortunately been to way too many funerals lately and the theme remains true; your legacy is left by the lives you impacted, not by your accomplishments or possessions. You don’t see materials at funerals. You see people.
Living a life of intentional service to others first takes being in tune with yourself. You can not pour into others if your cup is empty. Taking intentional time to better myself is one of the most fulfilling exercises I have done.
In admiring those who I think model this well, I have noticed that service does not (always) look like volunteering at soup kitchens and ringing a bell outside Walmart (not to say these aren’t examples). In full transparency, volunteering does not fit into most people’s day-to-day lifestyles. However, living a life of service can.
It can be as simple as walking into a room and instead of thinking about yourself and how others are perceiving you, shifting to your mindset to consider how you can build up those in the room.
It can be reading a book on how to better your relationship. While this may be done in solitude, you still are sacrificing your pride to serve your partner better.
It can be remembering the big days of those around you and showing them encouragement that day. This takes intentionally listening and being present to pay attention to what is important to them coming up.
It can be staying up later than usual to listen to someone.
It can be slowing down your knee-jerk reactions to when someone is annoying you.
Put simply, it is realizing that your purpose is in your people.
Chasing fulfillment first and foremost comes when we cleanse ourselves inward and stretch ourselves outward, counter-culture to society’s constant reminder of individualism.
It is safe to say that individualism isn’t working. Join me in giving service a try.
